Happy Valentine’s – May you love it – “yeah I’m so so in love, my life is BEAUTIFUL, I see birds and bees and everything’s pink…” or hate it -aka “I’m single, this sucks big time watching them all drool with happiness”; in all cases it’s quite difficult to ignore that it’s Valentine’s Day today! So evidently wherever you stand let’s get the party started!
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?”
“You’ll know tonight,” he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it–only to find a book entitled “The meaning of dreams”.
A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine’s Day night and sees a beautiful woman at the bar. After a long struggle with his shyness, he finally managed to walk over to her and asked her politely, “Um, would you mind if I give you company?” She made a furious face and yelled at the top of her lungs, “How dare you asked me to sleep with you tonight?” Everyone in the pub started staring at the man who was completely embarrassed. After a few minutes, woman walked over to him and apologized – “You see I am a student of psychology and studying how people respond to embarrassing situations. I am sorry but I was just doing my experiment!” The young man suddenly gave a loud yell, “What do you mean $200?”
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” And the husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice it.”
Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!
Girl: “I can’t be your valentine for medical reasons.”
Girl: “Yeah, you make me sick!”
Now lean back …and magic, truth will be revealed!
Q: What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine’s Day?
A: A hug and a quiche!
Dictionary for women
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but he just hasn’t realized it yet.
Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, “made the dinner.”
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See “Magician.”
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn’t coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say “focus,…breath…push…”
Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear…!
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, “to go somewhere and neck.” After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also “tranquilizers.”
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.